1 - Not in Kansas anymore

Hub

The recorded voice of the subway announcer crackled from above, ringing warmly in my ears. “…Please keep your bag off of the seat next to you so others may sit down.” It had been a long day. Not a bad one, by any means, but I was more than ready to be home. Just the bike ride there was left, and then I could curl up under my blankets and sleep.

The doors of the train rattled open again at the next stop, and I stepped onto the platform. The station was empty, save for a pair of birds perched in the rafters. I trudged down the stairs to continue on my way home, but bitter reality formed a pit in my stomach. In the spot where I locked my bike this morning, only the lock was left. I swore to myself, then resolved to head home on foot.

There was something to be said about light pollution, but I couldn’t deny that the city was beautiful at night. The lights traced parallel lines out of the water from whence we came, the right angles of the streets and buildings embodied the sum of human ingenuity, all while the moon watched from overhead, mourning the innocence of its partner in the great cosmic dance. I stepped wistfully into the crosswalk, admiring the world before me, only to be interrupted by a vehicle horn from behind as the quiet was swallowed by searing white pain.

I landed in a crumple on the pavement, and my leg felt like it was on fire. Adrenaline was the only thing keeping me lucid, I could already see that I was losing a lot of blood. I was dimly aware of the driver of the truck standing over me, trying to improvise a tourniquet from a torn piece of their shirt. That only works in movies, go find a real one..! I tried in vain to speak, but all that came out was a gurgle. Fuck, this is it, then. Tears welled in my eyes as I thought of what I was leaving behind. Just a few more days and I would have been able to meet my sister Paisley as myself for the first time. Just a few weeks, and I would have finished finals. Just a month and I would have been able to walk at graduation, a few more and I could have a job and an apartment. I spent all those years wanting to die, and this happens as soon as I have something to live for. Just my luck.

I felt myself slipping into the embrace of the long dark, almost peaceful despite the pandemonium within and without. The moment the continuity of my life winked out, however, something else flicked on like a light switch. I was intact, curled up somewhere soft and warm. The ground was rocking back and forth beneath me. I could hear the muffled booming of thunder and pattering of rain, and someone was gently patting my head. I knew I should be scared, but somehow, I couldn’t summon the emotion. Is this… heaven?

Pushing the wave of unnatural comfort to the back of my mind, I opened my eyes to take stock of my surroundings. I was aboard an opulent stagecoach, each wall adorned with a golden coat-of-arms. Across from me sat a nobleman in an expensive-looking robe, and beside me was a noblewoman in similar garb, whose hand was resting on my head. Outside my window, I could see brightly colored flashes of light, silhouetting a distant mountain range against the cloudy sky and casting long shadows in the dim light of the cart.

The nobleman was speaking… not English or any language I could name. I didn’t recognize a single word, yet somehow they meant something to me. “But a mighty jolt that one was, hmm? Good job that artificer insisted on, err… What did he call it, dear?” “He said it was a (lettanning red), if memory serves,” the noblewoman replied. …Was that English? I opened my mouth to inquire about it, but before I could speak I was assaulted by an overwhelming taste of ozone that shot doom down my spine and set my instincts in motion.

My muscles moved before I could think. I was out the door in a split second, turning to shout for the strangers to do the same, but before the syllables could escape my throat a blast of red lightning sent me tumbling across the swampy grass. I looked back at where I expected the carriage to be, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. There was nothing left in its place but a smoking tangle of metal. Surrounding it was a thin layer of sawdust coating every nearby surface, all mottled with a sickening dark crimson.

I backed away into the forest as I was cut free from whatever was keeping me calm in the coach, allowing the past few minutes of my life to fall back into reality all at once. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, my lungs gasping for more air than my throat could deliver. The world was spinning, my ears were ringing, my eyes wouldn’t focus… I gave up fighting to stay upright, curled into a ball in the muck, and did my best to breathe through the tears.

The cacophony beyond the borders of my mind fell out of focus as I was overwhelmed with emotion. I hadn’t had anyone I knew die since I was too young to remember, and now I had witnessed three gruesome deaths in rapid succession, one of them being my own. Thoughts of the life I had lost stirred into a hurricane in my head. It would have been kinder to have vanished into the void, but life was so cruel as to keep me conscious to grieve everyone and everything in my life all at once, all while knowing they, too, would soon be grieving me.

I recalled my sister Paisley, trying not to imagine what her face would look like at my funeral. Our parents had never been subtle about their preference for her, but she always did her best to make things right. Ironically, she got up to way more mischief than I ever did; she got the idea to sneak into the school at night and vandalize all of the teachers’ nameplates, I was just along for the ride. Even when our dad kicked me out onto the street after he realized I was transitioning, she fought like hell to stay in contact despite our parents’ incessant helicoptering. She had finally managed to get our parents off her back now that she was at college, so we had planned to meet up in person, get dinner, etch something crude into the ad screens at the train station just like old times…

I had grown apart from my old friends somewhat since we all left for college, but they were still all so important to me. Their reactions when I came out were so sweet - Robbie pulled me into a hug right away, James gave me a big pat on the back and said “Hell yeah, be yourself, broth- er, sister!”, Tom started jokingly hitting on me..? Since then, Robbie came out as nonbinary, and to everyone’s surprise, the playboy Tom turned out to be gay. James was still straight as an arrow, as far as anyone knew, but he made a worthy effort to understand. We still played Dungeons and Dragons online every weekend, our session was supposed to be tomorrow… I put all that effort into preparing the final boss, but… forget about time zones, now we’ve got the mother of all scheduling conflicts. I chuckled sadly at my joke.

Though my face was still damp with tears, I eventually regained control. I took deep breaths, feeling the tension in my heart slowly unwind. As my senses returned to me, I was bathed in the quiet of the night. The only discernible sounds were crickets and the quiet rustling of small animals in the grass, no doubt kept awake by my wailing. I was shivering, cold and wet from the rain, and I could feel the schlop of the mud as I pulled myself from the ground into a seated position. The sight of the sky took my breath away again: the clouds had parted, revealing innumerable glimmering points of light and two huge moons atop the infinite void. Beyond the jagged shadow of the ridge, I could see an aurora gradually dancing through space. Somehow, I thought, I don’t think I’m in Kansas anymore…

I tore my eyes away from the sky to survey the rest of my surroundings. Towards the aurora, I saw a clearing, bounded on the near edge by the road, and on the far edge by snow-topped mountains. Surrounding me on all other sides was a forest, with dense undergrowth and no discernible trails to be seen. When I couldn’t see any lights or other signs of nearby civilization, I grew worried. I had no food, water, medicine, or shelter, nor any tools or relevant knowledge at my disposal to get any of that. I was relieved that I had managed to keep the contents of my stomach inside during my panic attack - my belly was full of precious energy that I couldn’t afford to waste.

Doing my best to kick my rational thinking back into gear, I walked myself through the survival priorities I memorized in my past life. Survivor’s attitude, first aid, shelter, fire, signal for help, water, in that order. I don’t have any antibiotics and I just got thrown across the forest floor, if I’ve got so much as a scrape I could get infected with tetanus if I don’t clean it. My mind flitted to Paisley; I imagined she would be proud if she saw me using the checklist we practiced. I was wearing something similar to the nobles’ robes, though mine didn’t bear their coat-of-arms. I took a moment to figure out how to take it off, and… My rational thinking was once again disrupted.

I walked along the path in the dark of night, trying to stay focused on searching for shelter despite the gender euphoria dancing in my chest. Unnoticed until now, my tail flicked side to side, betraying my nervous excitement. Sure. Reincarnated as a catgirl. Never was much for furries, but I guess I, uh… can’t complain about skipping my transition. Soon, the road curved into the forest, and shortly after, I spotted a bridge crossing a small creek. That beacon of hope distracted me from my mixed feelings about my body - Jackpot! Water, shelter, and rescue, all in one.

Thankfully, the space under the bridge was unoccupied. It would have been cramped at the best of times, but tonight’s storm compounded the problem by raising the level of the water in the creek. There was just enough space on one side of the bridge for me to lie down, and though it was far from comfortable, the gravel foundation spared me from getting even dirtier. Sleep took me almost as soon as I laid my head down, and I passed the night in dreamless slumber.